Monday, July 8, 2013

The Vampire Diaries, Part One, Nina Dobrev

There are three main female characters in The Vampire Diaries- Elena the doppelganger/vampire, Caroline the vampire, and Bonnie the witch. Also, two secondary, turned main character in the spinoff show The Originals Rebekah Mikaelson, an original vampire and Hayley, a werewolf.

Elena I used to somewhat be okay with. But then later on she turned into this whiny, idiotic pathetic excuse for a person. She started to fall in love with Damon and Caroline didn't understand. Why would she? Caroline's only had bad experiences with Damon. Damon, after all fed on her when she was human and played with her like she was his little toy. And then, when Caroline became a vampire he initially wanted to kill her off. He didn't per Elena's request, but that doesn't stop him from being a total jackass to her. Calling her "vampire barbie" and what not. Elena, however, doesn't get that. She's in love with Damon because he treats her like she's Divine. But she doesn't get that he could care less about anybody else she supposedly cares about. And then she gets mad when people like Caroline don't see Damon the way she does. Again, why should Caroline?

I haven't seen the last 7 episodes; however, the last one I saw Elena turned into quite the bitch. Her brother died and Damon convinced her to turn off her humanity.

Oh yeah, if I didn't mention this before, everybody in Elena's life has died trying to save her.

Anyhow, she turns off her humanity and becomes an even bigger bitch to Caroline than she was when she was whiny, kidnapping Caroline's mom and then trying to kill Caroline. She says she doesn't care. But why would she try to kill Caroline then? If she didn't care, why bother? Also, she became quite jealous when she saw her ex-love Stefan and Caroline dancing together. What's that about?

So at the moment, I wish someone would stake her already.

The one thing Elena's got going for her is the fact that she's gorgeous. And we owe that to Nina Dobrev. Nina Dobrev is beautiful and stunning. She's got such a pretty face and these nice long limbs. Long arms. Long legs. She's also got a flat stomach. I know, I sound creepy. But really, it's jealousy.


This is her in her Seventeen magazine photoshoot from a couple of years ago. She's gorgeous, right?

I know, she runs and she does yoga. She's not necessarily sitting on the couch blogging her woes.
I should get up, get moving. Too bad I've got a broken foot. Thus, I should stop eating so much. Too bad I'm unorganized in that realm.

I need a wake up call damn it!!!!

I need to do something.

Nina Dobrev is only in a long line of Vampire Diaries leading ladies that I envy.

Next up: Caroline Forbes/Candice Accola.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

SparkPeople and Clothes

I joined sparkpeople.com. I joined it a really long time ago, but I didn't use it. Now, I've returned and hopefully if I stay connected I'll be well on my way to losing weight. I really, really need to. I've gained a couple of pounds since we last talked and it's obviously not good. And I ate a lot today. It's like I don't want to eat as much as I do, but then again  I want food. I don't know what to do.

And it doesn't help that I've been watching a lot of Veronica Mars. Kristen Bell is so tiny.

       

I bought these clothes from Delia's last winter. I fit into one and then...I didn't anymore. I can't fit into any now. They're really tiny. But they're so cute! Will my body get small enough to wear them?

I also accidentally bought this shirt in the small size when I meant to buy it in large. It clings to my skin like nobody's business, so naturally, I don't wear it because I don't want to draw anymore attention to me than I do. I really want to fit into it, because its a Stereophonics shirt, which is a band I really love, and I paid a lot of money for it. So I don't want to waste it. But according to the spark people site if, and that is if I manage to get it together enough to lose weight, It will take me until spring of next year to get down to 145. And that would still be four pounds overweight for my height! What the hell? I don't know what I'm going to do...


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Two words. Downton. Abbey

I watched the first episode of Downton Abbey last night. It was marvelous. British accents and the upstairs/downstairs storylines. It doesn't get better than this... Well, things would be better if I were skinny and enjoying Downton Abbey. But no.

I've been eating too much. As always. I need to drink more water. I barely drink any water. It's bad. Water is quenching and it is good for me, yet I don't drink it. Why don't I do anything that's good for me? I just eat all the time. It's mechanical. I'm so used to eating that I eat all the time. I don't know how to train my brain to stop.

 Also, I found a new girl crush. Kirsten Dunst. I've been watching Bachelorette on a loop. She's gorgeous. Her character, Regan, was my favorite in Bachelorette. There's a line in the movie where the guys of the movie describe her character and they say: "You know how there are serial killers and then there's Hannibal Lecter?...There are girls, and then there's Regan." I want someone to describe me like that. I want to be tough enough to be described like that. Yet, I'm moreso frazzled and weak than Lecterish. I need to toughen up.

Also, I've been watching Bring It On. You can really see Kirsten Dunst's skinnyness in that movie. Look.


She was 18 when she made that movie. And I'm 22! I should look like that. But I don't.

My jeans are tighter now. My other jeans are torn in the inner thigh area. My red jeans are super tight around my thighs. Not good looks. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I just don't know how to train my brain to STOP EATING.

And I don't even want to go to visit my baby nephew and niece who live only an hour away from me because I'm so overweight I'm ashamed. I'm afraid my family's going to say something. I hate to be stereotypical, but it is an Indian thing to comment on someone's weight. Even though my family in LA is more polite than that, I know that they'll still be thinking it. "She's gained so much weight...she needs to control her diet..." That just kills me.

What do I do????

Friday, May 17, 2013

Structure! Structure! Structure!

Structure.

That's what my dad and I talked about last night.

I need to have structure in my life.

Yet, here I am. Drinking lemonade---filled with sugar. And posting on my blog. Oh yeah, and watching Friends. The "Take the Rachel" Episode. Ross' wedding part 2. Why does Emily let the wedding go on? I would have stopped it. I wouldn't have trusted anyone who said another woman's name, especially a woman who he used to be in love with.

Anyhow, I need to work on my research file. And not eat all the time or drink lemonade, making the excuse that I can drink it because it's there and I'm the only one who drinks lemonade. Not good.

What is wrong with me??? I want to be skinny. Bethany Joy Lenz skinny. Nina Dobrev skinny. Hilarie Burton skinny. Grace Potter skinny. Sophia Bush skinny. You get the picture...

I mean look at this:









Now, with a broken foot all I can do is eat less. To stop eating...After drinking lemonade, having a big bowl cereal, and a bagelwich- microwaved egg + an everything bagel. And the sad thing?  I'm not done yet!!!

Project Skinny. Come on girl! You're 22. When Hilarie was my age (the above pictures show), she looked like that. She's in her 30s and she still looks like that. 

Joy is now 32 in the above pictures. She looks in better shape than she was when she was 22! And she didn't look bad at 22 either!

Grr!!!

-Jess

Thursday, May 16, 2013

And I'm back...

It's been a long time. Granted, I don't think anybody reads this blog. Nevertheless, I should keep up with it as I think it'll be a good outlet for me on this journey. That is if I make enough effort to journey to the magical land of weight loss. I have to lose weight. No seriously. I took this picture with my professor and colleagues at a research symposium and I looked like could eat the everyone in the photo. I told myself I'd lose weight. I didn't. Then, I broke my foot because I'm so fat I fell down the stairs. It hasn't healed in the six weeks since I broke it. I told myself I'd lose weight. I didn't. Today, I got my grades for Spring 2013 (I'm a 4.5 senior in college. Next semester is my last.) My GPA dropped significantly and now it is mathematically impossible for me to graduate with honors. So, I decided to commence Project Skinny. Then, I ended up eating two six inch sandwiches, some couscous, and a plate of chow mein. Oh, yeah, and I had trouble breathing this morning. Also, I joined Weight Watchers. What a waste of money. I want to look like this (picture is of Bethany Joy Lenz):

But instead, I look like this:

200+ pounds and counting...

-Jess

Monday, February 27, 2012

My Oh My

I know I haven’t been updating. I’m sure no one missed me considering no one reads this anyway. Still, it’d be nice for me to know that I’m efficient. Guess not. I’m posting from home. I’m on spring break. And what should be a relaxing time is a time spent gorging on oreo cookies while feeling bad about my weight. I look even bigger than I did when I wrote my last blog post. I’ve probably hit 200 by now, I’m just too afraid to step on the scale. I look awful and I feel awful. I need to change my lifestyle. See, but the problem is I don’t see losing weight as this healthy lifestyle change. I see it as, I want to lose weight so I look better, feel less fat, and am able to stop buying new clothes (which seems nice on the surface, but not when you have to buy new clothes because you’re constantly gaining weight). People keep telling me that if I change my mindset, and stop thinking about losing weight in regards to vanity, and start thinking about it in regards to my health, then I’ll make real progress. I don’t know… I just can’t control my cravings. I eat all the time. I finished about 90 percent of a box of oreos in two days. Today, I ate a bowl of cereal, an egg bagel-wich (egg between two slices of bagels), a banana, an oreo cookie, and two boiled egg whites and one boiled egg. And it’s only 4:30 in the evening. Who knows what I’ll eat next?

Maybe I’ll feel better about myself if I stop comparing myself to Nina Dobrev, Hilarie Burton, Sophia Bush, Grace Potter, Emily VanCamp, etc. I just can’t. I look at those women and I think, “Wow, why can’t I look like that?” And it’s come to the point where it’s not only that I wish I were the same size as those women, but that I was as pretty as them. God, I should be cast in a made for TV movie.  My emotions completely reflect a main character’s persona on one of those movies. I can’t watch The Vampire Diaries without feeling bad about myself. Sure, I love the show and don’t want to stop watching it, but watching the show definitely has it’s cons. Like say, Nina Dobrev looking so perfect and thin…

I really need to work on my self-esteem.

Maybe I’ll walk tomorrow. There’s always tomorrow…

-Jess

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Legs!

I know this sounds creepy, but if there is one thing I am jealous of, it is those girls with great legs. I never thought about it before, until I saw a post on a message board about Bethany Joy Galeotti and her great legs (and she’s so petite!). The message board members were posting all these pictures of Bethany and talking about how nice her legs were and I though “Damn, I wish I had nice legs,” but mine are these short, sad excuse for legs, legs. Of course, part of the reason these girls have really nice legs is because they work out, but part of it is that they were genetically blessed! I was genetically blessed with short legs and a slow metabolism.

Let’s take a look at these nice legs I wish I had.

First up: Grace Potter. Now, I love Grace Potter. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals is a band I really love. She’s an amazing singer and her music has this awesome flare to it. And…she has really great legs. I know, I sound really strange, but she does! And being the insecure girl that I am, I wish I had legs as great as Grace Potter’s.



 Courtesy of starpulse.com


Now, the girls of the CW. Bethany Joy Galeotti of One Tree Hill, Blake Lively of Gossip Girl, Kristen Bell of Gossip Girl and Veronica Mars (sadly, has been cancelled for a while), Maggie Q of Nikita, and Nina Dobrev of The Vampire Diaries. The CW really knows out to pick ‘em. They are really good at picking the most gorgeous girls, and as a bonus, these gorgeous girls have nice legs. I know how creepy this is all sounding, but my insecure mind wants nice legs, damn it! Look! Look at the legs!

Bethany Joy Galeotti:

courtesy of: starpulse.com


Blake Lively:


courtesy of: blogs.philadelphiaweekly.com

Kristen Bell:


Courtesy of: kbellfanpop.com

Maggie Q:


Courtesy of: et_online.com

Nina Dobrev:


Courtesy of: insidetv.ew.com

Envious green is not a flattering color on me, but I’m painted all over with it. It doesn’t help that I had two funfetti cupcakes and a bowl of cereal this morning. What the hell am I doing? This is my third blog post and I have yet to do anything that has helped toward any weight loss. I’m slowly getting to 200 and if I do, I’ll cry my eyes out to the point where we won’t have to worry about drought anymore, because the world would be flooded! The oceans, lakes, seas, and rivers, would quadruple in size!

I really have to do something about this weight loss. My future depends on it.

That’s it for now.

Ciao.